The worst writer ever?

I work as an editor for a publishing company here in London and most of the time the copy I receive is, at least, serviceable. There are, however, the odd exceptions: writers who submit work of a standard that makes me wonder how they can call themselves 'writers' with a straight face and unblushing countenance. This last week I've been editing the copy of a person who is the worst writer I have yet come across. Virtually every review she submitted has had to be rewritten from scratch. Here is an example of the worst restaurant review I have ever had the misfortune of editing:

Have a yen to see the industry power brokers in action, book a booth well in advance at luncheon and observe everyone from A-list actors to top of the line agents, while chowing down on well prepared American fare, you know steaks and hamburgers, with equally fine Martinis.

Still, at least in that example it's easy to understand what the writer was trying to say. But how about this sentence for a construction that is almost completely opaque in its meaning:

Named for the temperature difference between medium rare and well done is also helmed by the talented Goodells at The Roosevelt Hotelk, is essentially their twist on the burger joint.

I did eventually work out what she meant, but it took some time.

Reading her copy, I was wondering how on earth this lady could make a living as a writer. Then it occurred to me that something I had read about Hollywood applied here also. This is the riddle: why do so many bad films come out of Hollywood, when no one (with the possible exception of the characters in 'The Producers') actually sets out make a bad film? Even the director of the worst Z grade direct to video schlock didn't wake up each morning when filming and think, 'Great, I'm going to be shooting some more really bad scenes today.'

So, where does it all go wrong? Well, one point that had never occurred to me before is that there are a very wide range of skills necessary to a film maker, and not all of these have anything to do with the actual movie. Thus, the ideal director will obviously be able to extract performances from actors, frame a story, and so on. But he will also, and long before he ever gets near a camera, have to be able to 'pitch' a concept, network, and, most importantly of all, make film company executives believe in him enough that they are willing to stump up a lot of cash for the movie to be made in the first place.

Thus, it's easy to see how it's perfectly possible for a person to have all the talents required to get a film green-lighted, but few of the abilities needed to actually produce a good movie once production has begun. The same is true, althought to a lesser extent, with writing, where the ability to make contacts with agents and publishers and publicists is at least as important in getting work published as the words on the paper.

So my anonymous scribe will probably continue in a long and successful writing career, her prose polished by generations of long-suffering editors.

Comments

[Theocoid]

Egads. I'm used to reading bad copy, but those examples have some of the most egregious grammatical errors I've seen in so-called professional work.

[ukok]

I dunno, I think I'm a pretty appalling writer myself so I have to vie for the title of 'worst writer ever'!

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